what your heart says, what your mind says.

*inhaled.... exhaled*

hi.
it has been some time since i updated my blog.
so, this is the first entry for 2013.
its already February.

i have loadddd of things to share but i could not find my sense to write any of them here.
now, since i am here,
yes as usual, i only write a new entry when i feel lonely.

i devastated. too frustrated.
i dont have any problem with my boyfriend or my peers in real life or in any social websites.
but what i can say here is..
theres something fishy about the guy i am in love with..

**ah, forgive my grammar.

it is not like i dont trust him or i do not like him or whatsoever which are similar with it.
well, i dont know maybe this is my only feelings or my instinct,
but i could smell that something gonna went wrong.
something is going to ruin. am not sure about it, am not sure what is it..
i just doubt him.
well, i dont know if i am being too sensitive or too emotional about this,
oh come on, im a woman.

they say we can find love.
we can try to look for it,
after we found it, we could try to build it,
the structure, to make it stronger.
but day by day,
i never know why but when they say love can be stronger,
you just need time, patient,
but whats happening on me is.. its weaker.
i couldnt feel him anymore.

i dont know who to trust, who to tell, who to share, who to not tell and who to not trust.

is it a crisis of identity? but i am not doubting myself.

im confused. and curious.

i persuade myself to be positive.
maybe i should ask him (again) if he has someone elsee. or maybe i shouldnt.
this isnt about love matter (as for me. i dont know what you are thinking about it)
this is about the complexity of a heart.

heart, does it control your mind, or does your mind control your heart?

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